Bipolar Psychosis: I believe.

I have bipolar 1 and PTSD.

Once during a very severe manic and psychotic episode, I woke up under a bush on the state capital grounds in Austin, TX.

I had been robbed and beaten because I was living on the street with $2700 lizard boots and two cell phones, a leather Harley jacket, carhart jeans, and bikini underwear. Now I had no pants and no bikini.

I got up, and my t-shirt kinda was long enough to hide my nakedness. I walked 20 blocks to the soup kitchen where I knew they also had pants and shoes. Peppers I was bare ass naked with no shoes in Austin, TX walking down the street. I got to the soup kitchen and people were staring at me. i just smiled and held my head up tall.

They gave me a pair of sweatpants and some tennis shoes that actually fit.

AND

I got to get some bread and soup.

What is psychosis?

It’s when I believe certain things in my mind that aren’t part of reality. Like I thought El Chappos men were after me in Austin, TX. They finally got my boots and my pants and two cell phones and a leather jacket. I got 27 stitches in my head from their baseball bat.

Or another belief that I am related to General Sam Houston and that his ghost is in me. That why I used to call myself Ghost. BUT that was two negative. Like being a ghost to my daughters for 15 years.

Now I call myself BBQDAD because it aligns with my goal and dreams to live near my daughters and be a grandpa and dad in real life.

I had to recognize that my beliefs were not reality. People used to question my facts. I would say, “I don’t ask you to believe my words, but ask yourself this question. Does Bbqdad believe his words.” And that is the point. Reality didn’t matter if there was belief. And I believed!

I had to be humble. Let others in my life point out my contrasts with reality. My sister is the only one I let do this. She sees all of me with no screens or filters or masks. This has been good, but I’m sure at times I wear her out.

My Goto Resources include:

All these ground me and recharge my emotional bank.

Make some resources that you can ground yourself when in need.

Published by bbqdad

pilot poet dad "I can open a pickle jar with my bare hands!"

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