How you feel and what you do are two separate things. You can have the thoughts about suicide going through your mind, but you DO NOT have to follow through with them.
You deserve to live. Make the decision to live.
If you are in immediate danger and are thinking about suicide, then you can’t deal with this alone. You need help at once.
Call an emergency hotline:
- US call 800-273-TALK
- UK call 116 123
- Australia call 13 11 14
- other countries suicide.org
- to chat online SuicidePreventionLifeline.org
Call emergency services (911 in US)
Get to a hospital at once. You will be safe and have professional help to listen to what you are going through. I did.
Phone a friend
Call someone you trust and let them know exactly what you are thinking. If they can come over and be with you then let them for as long as you are unsafe. I called my sister.
Call a timeout delay of 48 hours
You can extend the time of decision to go through with it for 48 hours. During this time seek professional help. You deserve to live. Make the decision to live.
My Suicide Story (trigger alert)
It was 3 years ago that I was in an emergency situation where I wanted to commit suicide. I was at the end of my rope. You see my bipolar mania had caused me to lose my job, and I was now living on the streets in my truck. I was hanging with dangerous people, and I was doing drugs. Emotionally, I was a wreck because I was always afraid. It was this incredible fear of living on the streets and potentially being assaulted and my truck stolen from me that caused me to break down.
I thought to myself that the only way to stop the fear and anxiety was to kill myself. “Make it end” was becoming a mantra. I battled the thoughts though for several days. I thought of various ways I could do it. (I won’t detail those here)
The next thing I know, I’m driving myself to my doctors. I went inside and spoke to the receptionist that I was thinking of killing myself and I needed to see my doctor. She said that I owed $40 on my account and that I couldn’t see the doctor. I can’t believe this 20 something yo telling me that, when I just told her I was going to kill myself!
I called 911.
A police car showed up at the doctor’s office as he had been in the area. I told him about how I was feeling and that I needed to get to the hospital. He said that he would drive me there. (I left my truck in the doctor’s parking lot!)
I was admitted to the psych ward at Providence Hospital in Anchorage. I was in a safe place now. Whew. I felt relieved that I was off the streets.
While I was in the hospital I learned all kinds of ways to cope with my bipolar depression and thoughts of suicide.
- Write a Love Letter to Yourself. I have this letter on my phone, so I can read it anytime that I have suicidal thoughts.
- Write your Why for living including the special people in your life and your goals and dreams and passions. Mine is writing, and spending time with my kids.
- Have a positive affirmation for your life. Mine: “I am a vulnerable, charismatic man, living in abundance“.
- Practice Mindful Meditation (part of yoga actually)
- Take your meds I have done this for 3 years since my crisis.
When you do have thoughts of suicide, promise me you will decide right now to not go through with it and follow your plan and reach out to others.
You deserve to live. Make the decision to live. You are not alone.
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