I’m your fireman, you’re my fire.

“How bout “I need a fireman cuz I got a fire.” That would be my code phrase.”, Amy said.

“I got a fire. That is all you have to say, and then I’ll be your fireman.”, Lance offered.

Amy reached out and grasped my hand. We held hands for a minute just staring at each other. I could only imagine that she wanted a fireman. Right now.

“I just know that I love you and want you to be well.”, I said to Amy Jo.

I then got up and pulled Amy up to me by the hand. She put her arms around me and I put my arms around her. We hugged. And hugged. Then I pulled back enough that I could look at her face. Into her eyes. Those eyes were the window of her soul. I could see that she had a deep soul, one that I was losing myself to. I wanted to lose myself in her, inside of her body and her mind. I wanted to free her spirit. To set it on fire. I was her fireman, and she was my fire.

That was a direct excerpt from my new book called, “Falling in love with bipolar”

Twitter: Peer Support Group


Mondays 6pm EST

Thursdays 5pm EST

The meeting uses Twitter Spaces which is a method of allowing audio voice conferences between anyone on Twitter.

You don’t have to talk as you can just listen if you choose.

The talk is strictly about mental health and Rowan and Megan lead the meetings. Both of them are caring and compassionate but are not doctors.

This is a great opportunity for you to share in this peer support group.

If you can’t meet at this time then hit me up and I can open up a space for you and me to connect.

My Twitter is @BbqDadOfficial and my name is Lance Merrick.

I hope to meet you soon.

NaNoWriMo.org Week #1

This first week I wrote 23193 total words.

The National November Write Month. It’s a contest to write 50,000 words of a book in 30 days.

I wrote 23,193 words in 7 days. Now I’m slowing down to bleed deep.

I’m planning on reading chapters on YouTube.

TED Talk: What is Bipolar?

For me the worst of it involves being out of control feeling extremely high, being a chatterbox spewing endless thoughts that are racing through my brain.

The racing thoughts are all over the place and don’t relate to each other, constantly flipping back and forth and making me sound like an idiot. Kinda like being on cocaine or meth.(I know from experience)

This is my mania.

And speaking of drugs, that is part of me indulging in risky behaviors which include drugs, alcohol (sober 3 years), driving wrecklessly (140 mph down a long road), having multiple sex with strangers in seedy hotels (threesomes with women or men) and various other dangerous practices.

Then comes the crash. Joy sucking, lifeless, sad, unworthy feelings. It feels like, I’m ready to go to the grave and sometimes I have tried. I generally sleep 18 hours a day staying in bed days at a time and not showering, wearing the same clothes everyday.

That is my depression.

Watch this animated video from TED Talks about what is Bipolar for an overview. It is pretty good, I watched it again cuz it has some good ways of showing the difference between mania and hypo-mania as well as depression.

If you think this is you or you have been already diagnosed then please follow me and share this with other friends and family members who need to know.

Leave a comment so I can hear your story and we can connect to find relief.

Falling In Love With Bipolar

This is a possible title for the book which are memories of living with bipolar.

Lance saw her standing there at the concert smoking a joint. He offered her a drink of his Beam. They traded joint for Beam. That was how Willie Nelson brought them together. 

Lance and Amy Jo meet at a Willie Nelson concert and stay up all night dancing, drinking, kissing, and smoking weed. The sleep deprivation triggers Lance to have a manic episode that lasts 3 weeks. This prompts Amy Jo to reveal a hidden secret about her own life. They face challenges and share victories in this roller-coaster ride dealing with bipolar and their mission just to find relief.

Please follow and comment on cover and description of book. What do you think?

First chapter – How Willie Nelson Triggered My First Manic Episode

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